I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
