So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
