Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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