I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
