So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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