I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
