I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
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