Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
