I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
