Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
