Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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