I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
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