Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Randomize
