I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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