i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
