I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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