his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
