just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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