No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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