I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
The power of my boobs compel you
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
