I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I could make wine with my vomit
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Randomize