i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You're a waste of cheezeits
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
