and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
