put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
We are all done wearing pants today
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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