Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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