I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
