Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Rumble strips road head = magical
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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