I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
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