i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
