Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
