i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize