my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize