YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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