It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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