Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Panties = found
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
