apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Randomize
