I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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