I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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long story
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weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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