for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
