ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
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