i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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