just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Come back. Shots need mouths.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
