think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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