She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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