morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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