maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
