So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
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Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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