I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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