He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
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She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
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Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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