Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
