At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
