so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
