I wish I could punch you in the face.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
