Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
