After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
