he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
