so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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