Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
