I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
