Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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