I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
