i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
