We're like a lot better than the average bears
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
