also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
