Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
