i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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