The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
